25 Weeks

This week marks week 25 of my pregnancy, which also translates to just over six months. This has always been a big marker, as doctors will deliver a live baby starting at 25 weeks if something horrible were to go wrong. Prior to 25 weeks, doctors don't consider a baby viable outside the womb. That's always been comforting to me to know, and yes babies that young can survive with a lot of care. A couple from our church in NC had a grandson born slightly after this marker, and after months in the hospital is doing well. As of this week, Alexander is supposed to measure around 13.5 inches long and weigh around a pound and a half (however, if I know what big babies I have, he probably weighs more!).

Anyways, I know a few people have asked, so I wanted to update people on everything. This has been the hardest and worst pregnancy yet. I'd like to say it's just because I have two kids already to take care of, but it's not. I've been really, really sick most of the way through it, with no real end in sight. Currently, I'm taking seven, yes seven, meds a day for this pregnancy, four of which are just for my acid reflux. Most of the others are for my asthma. My reflux has been really bad; it's gotten worse with each pregnancy. With Madison, I went on one medication at week 35; with Luke I went on two medications starting at week 17, and this time, I started my meds at week six, and just this week, Edward upped my meds from three to four pills a day. While it's helping some, my reflux is still pretty bad. What that means is I have a VERY hard time eating just about anything. I either retaste the item all day long, or it comes right back up, if you get my drift. I've discovered no item seems to be immune from this, and what might sit "okay" one day sits terribly the next (including my very favorite food of ice cream). Also, something might sound good as I'm making it, and then eating it, it tastes terrible. Take for instance, pork chops. I love pork chops. Edward was grilling them out the other night, and I was really looking forward to them. Then, I started to smell them, and immediately could tell that nope, they weren't going to sit well. Instead, I decided to have him grill me a hotdog-really?? That sat mildly okay, but there's not a night I'd prefer a hotdog to pork chops. With all of that, my weight gain is around six pounds right now. That's pretty low; average for this point is around 15-18 lbs, but I've always been a low-weight gainer for pregnancy, and my doctor isn't worried. Alexander has continued to measure large, as both the other kids did too.

Besides the food issues, I've had an extreme fatigue that I shouldn't be having. Again, I know I have two kids and don't have a break, but this is a fatigue like no other. It's only gotten worse instead of better, making it so much fun. And, on a couple of occasions, I've almost fainted, something I've never done either. Two weeks ago at my checkup, my doctor ran a bunch of tests and bloodwork to see if something was off. Everything was normal, which I guess is good and bad. Good that things were normal, but bad because at least if something was off, like thyroids or something, they could fix it with meds, and it would explain why I feel like total garbage all the time.

I'm also so excited to report, my contractions have started. They started at week 22, and I have 10-15 a day. With both of the other kids, they started around week 28.

And, as some of you know, the final ultrasound report from my 18 week ultrasound showed two cysts on Alexander's brain. While they "should" resolve in 90% of cases, we have to wait and see. We've been waiting seven weeks already and have at least another four to five weeks to go before they will even do a follow-up ultrasound. Lucky me, this is rare, found in 1% of pregnancies, but does resolve in 90%. My opinion is I'm already in the rare minority; I don't want to be in the minority again. And, for people to say, "See, 90% are fine...I'm sure you will be too...yeah, 99% of babies don't even have this to worry about, but I do." My doctor, of course, says not to worry, as these usually resolve, but he's not the one sitting around for 10 weeks or so waiting to see if I'm going to have a healthy baby boy. I pointed out to him that you wouldn't tell someone they might have cancer, but we'll wait another three months or so to check and see. And also, it's our baby, so when all is said and done, if there is something wrong, the doctors still send you home with your problems to take care of. This is a very scary situation for me, something I think about every minute of every day...how can I forget it? I have a constant reminder of it growing on me, and I'm a worrier. I also pointed out to my doctor that I have a master's in library research, and with Edward being a doctor who has access to medical databases, what do you think I'm going to do? I'm going to research his databases to read up and know everything, which I have. I know all the stats from the very best scenario to the very worst. So, while it seems like things are just super duper, it's totally not. I'm functioning and getting through the days, but it's a constant worry with me and will be until I deliver him, and they can determine if he's healthy. I hope no one I know ever has to wait out test results like this. It's awful, and I think with so many family and friends living so far, they just can't understand. They don't see us on a regular basis, so while they might realize I'm pregnant, they're not seeing the sick side of me or the extremely worried side. My next ultrasound can't even be scheduled because it's still too far away, but it should hopefully be sometime the beginning of April. And, as my doctor pointed out, we'll still have to officially wait until he's born to see if he's really okay.

I mean, how do you function okay waiting for stuff like this? People might say that before ultrasounds you had to wait anyways to see if you would have a healthy baby...yeah, that's true, but you didn't have info that you might not have one, as I do. Joys like setting up his room, going through clothes, and buying things he needs are just things I get done. I wish I could be so excited about it all, but I can't. It's still a constant worry. The "what if's" takeover even when I don't want them too.

Prayer is the only thing that has gotten me this far, and I'll continue it. I just pray my prayers will be answered.

Life hasn't been fun since getting that news on January 15. I wish I could say differently, and I don't think I'll breathe any sigh of relief until he's born sometime around the beginning of June. I laugh when he kicks or moves around, but still wonder if he's okay in there.

So, that's where I am at 25 weeks...still pregnant, feeling like garbage, and worried beyond belief. I'm sure with the 90+ degree days we've been having, I'll soon be able to add "swelling a lot" to my list, as I tend to swell badly with heat. With another 12-15 weeks to go (both Madison and Luke were two and three weeks early), I still have a lot of sickness to deal with and worrying to do.

Upcoming Tests-
-Blood glucose (screening all pregnant moms have to do to make sure you haven't developed gestational diabetes) in another week or so

-Rogam(sp??) Shot-lucky me, I have O Negative blood (only one in my whole family), so with each pregnancy, I have to have two Rogam shots, one at 28 weeks and one right after delivery. This is to make sure that I don't poison the baby when my blood is negative, and Edward's blood is positive. That's a fun shot in your bum... Good thing for all of you, O Negative makes me a universal donor, so if you ever need blood, I'm the one to ask! Bad thing, I can only get O Neg blood too.

-Ultrasound to see how Alexander is doing and check on the cysts, somewhere around week 28, but knowing how backed up the ultrasound tech always is, and since they won't schedule it yet (gotta love the civilian world...I miss my military medical care), it probably won't take place until week 30 or so...great, more waiting.

Sorry if this isn't in the usual upbeat nature of the blog, but that's where I'm at right now. Worried that I can't stop worrying, and sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time.